Married Bachelor part finalé

Firstly, thank you for sticking around this long, enduring the suspense and almost getting tired at the previous part. Turning it over means a lot to me and clears something. Thank you, again.

This was the darkest hour of the beautiful angel. Never had she felt so frustrated before. She had to check her phone for the date, just in case it was first April because this didn’t just hurt, it ripped off some major parts of her.

She couldn’t cry. The pain she felt was way too much for this. There was such a heavy load on her chest that she could feel her breath bid goodbye. She could barely sit up. The lovely dress she was in felt like a series of chains of pain. Her make up felt like a cover of foolishness. Her hair felt like a crown of shame. She could classify herself as a curse at that moment.

The confidence in her dwindled as she felt like the Queen of failure, no glam anymore. She felt horrible. Poor thing! She was in absolute regret of voicing out her feelings, but most of all, in full regret of not having a Deja Vu. She had felt so much until she could not feel herself anymore. She got lost in being horrible. She struggled to breathe and at least feel alive. The battle was real.

This whole time, he just froze, staring at her, knowing what to do but not certain how to go about it. He looked at her but couldn’t maintain five seconds of it. He felt a certain fear that he could not explain. He tried to speak but this was not the wise thing to do at the moment. So he brought her a glass of warm water, got something to cover her and headed out.

This made it so clear to her that she was all wrong and alone. surprisingly, in her strength, she consoled herself and started to accept it. She was bound to trip for a long time after that, but she knew that she would get through it. As he walked out slowly, she slowly started to shift the ‘fool’ feeling to why she was crying and not to why she existed or expressed herself. By all means, she starting knowing, she got this!

Few minutes after closing the door and waiting outside for a while, he decided to go back in. He wasn’t sure of what to expect but this time he was sure what to do. So he confidently made his way in and started his rescue mission.

He made her sit up and take some deep breath. Of course, this was a struggle, that involved a few strong punches, some shouting and tears, but eventually, it worked. He held her hands and upon some calmness, he started explaining something.

“Hear me out, princess, as I said, I am married. It is true. This means my total commitment is somewhere else and I couldn’t drag you along the path of being less worthy of who you are. You are a gem and someone like me shouldn’t ruin that. So this is it, I am married to my way of life. To how I think, my dreadlocks, my personality, my many different hobbies, career, the taste of things, my brand, my charity work and my belief. I am so into this that over the years I have tried to accommodate another soul into my life but it’s been all in vain.”

The lady was more confused but somehow, relieved. She couldn’t explain it but there was some hope. However, she couldn’t understand why and how he lived like that for so long, with no space for anyone else. She felt no fool any more. Of course, she tried to probe and convince him otherwise but he was at a point of no return.No therapy, counselling, falling in love, friendship, had worked and sadly, she also could not. So eventually, with time, she embraced it, got her time to heal and life moved on.

How much is your self-love? To what extent does it go? Is accomodating other people a problem? It gets there. Where life without another person or people, is not as boring as you might think and you find yourself filling every gap there might be. That’s how his life was.

He talked to people, had friends, but no one was close enough to be a part of his life. They would hang out but that’s as far as it could get. You and I might consider it dangerous or a problem but to some, like him, it’s all cool. Enjoying oneself.

How much is your self-love? What takes up the space for people in your life? Would you be a married bachelor/spinster?

Adios.

Married bachelor part 3(a)

After an awkward moment, the two cleared their throats simultaneously and in a bid to suggest what next, no one would hear what the other had to say. They both shut up to allow turn-taking and in the second attempt of suggesting, there was a collision.

It took them a while to get to the point of one talking and the other giving audience but eventually, they were successful. The lad took the lead and the lady followed suit.😊He suggested they head to the four-ringed machine packed outside.

He held her hand and so they walked. It was definitely glorious and graceful. They drove off but our girl wasn’t sure of the destination. In fear of messing things up further, she didn’t ask. So they went on silently listening to some soul music.

They drove towards the lady’s apartment and well, she was comfortable they went that way. He dropped her off and they hugged each other goodbye. However, there was a lot left unattended to and this brought too much suspense, probably more than the one I have brought up in this piece (Married Bachelor). How has it been for you so far?

No one was ready to bring things up and so each one of them was okay with parting, not entirely though. The dilemma was at its peak here. What if this was the only chance they had to talk things through?What if they talked about it and never got to an agreement?What if one of them would end up hurt? They hugged for a while before he started walking away. She stood to watch him get to the car.

A few steps further, he stopped and turned as if he wanted to confirm something or had left something behind. He walked back to her and asked to take her into the house. She was a bit confused but allowed him in any way.

In the elevator, he shot the ‘ I need to tell you something’ statement and she was willing to listen.

“I find what you told me at the restaurant pretty brave. That was very noble and nothing less. Please stop beating yourself too hard for it. I appreciate it that you told me. The means do not justify the end😄. You nailed it either way. You are one awesome being and I wouldn’t ask for more, he said.”

Her heart was melting at this point and she couldn’t control herself as he continued the conversation. She jumped and hugged him excitedly. They got into the house and he made sure she was okay before he wrapped up the conversation, which was now like a speech since the lady was speechless😆.

He continued,”There is one issue though, I am married………”

You may need to turn it over.

Married bachelor part 2(b)

From her side, she had spoilt the evening, which was now turning slowly into night. She was too embarrassed to look into his eyes. She could only drop her head down when she ‘got back to her senses.’

Like many other girls, she had fantasized about her love life a couple of times but never had such a situation crossed her imagination. She knew what she wanted but wasn’t ready to ask for it this way. She felt guilty and knew that she had messed it all up. The writer would love your opinion on this. Was it a bad thing? Had she gone wrong?

Well, she felt guilty but positively, her heart was lighter. She had spoken up her mind. They said and still say it’s a step to therapy and I think she was hacking it quite well. At least the restlessness stopped for a while before she started thinking of what to expect.

From the other side of the table, came so much silence. So much silence that her heart started to Kipchoge. (forgive the Kenyan me, I had to include our Marathon runner). Honestly, a medal would give her some good scope of justice.

He stared at the shy human in silence for quite a long while. He didn’t have any other reaction to this. He knew how to take it but he didn’t know how to take it from her. He was also a little afraid of messing it up, for he wasn’t in the business of causing anyone pain or making them devastated. Not her and especially, not that particular evening.

So he held her hands which were placed on the table and just watched her get lost in the sea of shyness. He was sure she was a confident woman but who was prudent enough, so he didn’t know how to handle this side of her.

Married bachelor part 2(a)

From very reliable sources, especially psychology, observation, experience and a little judgement, our girl was in love with the young lad. Her behaviour this evening was just an expression of what was going on inside.

She was too nervous to say it out loud or be the first one to make the move. She felt too much of a princess to do that. The opinion of many spectators and the writer could be different but that was just her doing what she didn’t know best. She was afraid of expressing that part of her in fear of judgment and a lot more, such as society expectation, the pursuit of sanity and peace notwithstanding.

When they started to have a conversation with the gentleman, she had a lot of breaks in her statements and too much deep breathing to do. This was not all smooth for someone who wanted to know her better. It was not exactly disturbing, but it raised concern.

He thought she was uncomfortable or needed something hard to ask for and in a bid to make things better, he probed. He wanted to know where the bug was, which caused so much discomfort on the queen of the evening. For sure he would probably get a gun and shoot the wind if it was the problem.

The question asked brought more confusion and tension to her. She didn’t know what to say. How would she say she was falling for him? What words would she use to say whatever she felt at the moment? Was she sure that she was in love? Or was it just a whim? What would be the reaction from the other side of the table? What would the spectators do about the reaction? Surely, she didn’t know what to do. What was she supposed to do?

Fortunately or unfortunately, all her above thoughts came out loud. She lost her senses for the while she was thinking about what to do and her mouth ran open, letting hidden, sensitive information out. Yes, she said it. She said it loudly enough for him to hear.

If only words could be unsaid, the poor girl would pay out a fortune to get them back.

Married Bachelor part 1(b)

At first, he was unmoved by what was going on. I am not sure he had noticed the details but with time, he seemed to catch up. He looked at the angel in front of him and didn’t understand what the problem was if at all there was any. He tried to ask but she kept smiling back, brushing off any negativity. She was an excellent actress.

Their table was getting stuffed every 15 minutes, with varieties of food and drinks. Steaming hot, ice-cold, liquid, solid, basically everything she would wish for. The gentleman made sure she didn’t run low on the supply on anything. All attention was on the queen of the day.

This particular evening, all her wishes were his commands. Had she wished for a superpower, I don’t know how the command would be executed, but well it would be a command. The lad would probably go back to 21st December 2020. Our girl was still in the dilemma but tried to look okay.

I would ask for the right adjective to describe the dinner but honestly, I lack.She was comfortable falling in love with everything on the table, but very uneasy with falling for the provider.Well,this is just a conclusion from the spectators but what else would it be anyway if not falling in love?

She was sweating, she felt a little confused,didn’t understand what she felt, she wasn’t able to eat as a normal person would, could barely maintain eye contact and neither could she hold stuff well.

Are the spectators forcing issues or is it true that she was falling in love?

Married Bachelor Part 1(a)

She looked at him and didn’t know what to feel anymore. She had not the words nor the reaction for the situation she was in because nothing close to that ever crossed her mind. She could not relate this to any of her dreams. Poor thing! All she could do was fight off her drip. This time not of the pretty, costly shoes, jewellery and makeup, but her novel self.

The newness that made her feel and look different in such a seemingly short time. She felt like she could not keep up to all she was experiencing at the moment. She could not control the mix of expressions she was showing. The fact that nothing going on in her mind would be hidden to those around her. One who had an extremely grave-like life in terms of secrets and darkness felt like an open book in a public place that anyone would access. It was quite uncomfortable but it just felt different and after all, she could not run away from it.

The whole situation was crazy for those observing her. Had you been part of the spectators, you would have been astounded by the laughs, giggles and smiles in the middle of some heavy salty, clear streams from her eyes, through her cheeks to her new beautiful dazzling white Versace dress. This combo of expressions was served every time she looked at him. I am not sure if his cologne had some onion scent mixed with some laughing gas, but oh well, all this happened.

She tried visiting the loo, wash her face, freshen her makeup and walk back as nothing happened, but every time she went back to the beautiful seat, she would go back to default. The walking itself took a lot from her since her shoes were something no one wouldn’t notice. She wished for the impossible, getting out of her skin because it felt like a prison. It was suffocating, choking, she was. sweating and just because I miss using the word ‘profusely’ 😅, let’s fix it there. A girl was disturbed and the most depressing thing is, the situation was not getting any better. She felt her hands getting heavy and her glittery purse signalling to fall from them.

She had taken up almost all the attention in the classy restaurant(food had the other share) that made her date feel like a court session. She saw everything from a different angle. She sure didn’t know what to do to hide all these, especially from the guy committed to maintaining direct eye contact with her, if at all she would ignore other people’s glances. There was too much glam, anyone would surely give a damn.

Gold with some patches of dust.

Space

I should have probably titled this piece ‘boundaries’,since the word space brings in a few thoughts as it has a few meanings other than what I am thinking about today.

Imma write about the other meaning apart from the one on the keyboard,or what is left when someone/something leaves,or above there,where scientists,you know,those people with big brains, explore and give us astounding facts about 😂.Yes ,that other meaning.

The place that each person holds in this life,that which each person fills that is irreplaceable and definitely the place that everyone deserves to have so they can fully live their lives.

That thing that makes almost every person own a mobile phone.The basic things like a name,an identification,complexion,shoe size,or a certain taste.Whatever someone has that simply makes them who they are.The laughter,how they cry, walking style,how they move their lips while talking, preferences,desires,hobbies and personality.

We all have opinions and they should be respected and considered,but sometimes we need to consider if we are actually taking up somebody else’s space.If someone visits your house,you give them the space to shower,dress,eat and just do them.It is your house yes,but you let your guest be.

I think we should learn and master giving people space.It’s vital.Positively,one thing the Covid -19 pandemic has done is giving us that,in the name of ‘social distancing.’ Atleast you can sit a bit more comfortably in a bus,than before.

Well,that is physical but should apply in other aspects of life.As a parent,child,spouse,partner in business or ‘crime’ ,boss, employee, teacher, student,e.t.c. How far is too far?How far do your opinions in the other person’s life stretch to? How much is your judgement on your friend?Would they do their makeup in peace?Would they study,model,dance,draw,paint,work out,write,talk in peace?

I don’t mean we shouldn’t correct or be corrected,not at all. What I mean is,we criticize, correct,share every opinion and honestly,but at the end of the day,let’s not cross each other’s paths by taking up their space. It’s good to know boundaries and not cross them.Let each person be.

A toast to us.

🥂to you and me, for making it this far.I don’t know how far your far is but the fact that you are alive today, the 8th month of 2020,then you are a warrior.Your grandkids already have a ‘back in my days’ story.I can only imagine myself with the grey hair, surrounded by a cluster of my 3rd generation, telling them how we never used to leave the house, as a result of curfew, how masks stopped being a stage thing for drama but part of the essential clothing, how the smell of alcohol was common,the hand sanitizers.

Today, I just feel like celebrating us.Just for being humans, being alive today and the other one, two or many other achievements we have so far.Maybe where I consider too far,could be too near for you, and vice versa.One wise man keeps telling me,one person’s cup ain’t the other’s plate.This,is thoroughly true peeps.

Somethings we find ourselves celebrating,aren’t so much of a big deal to most people around us.You might find yourself celebrating growing an inch taller but to someone else you still are short either way.No attack on anyone here,fellow shorties🤭.

Well, rarely do I open up about myself but today allow me to say how I celebrate getting over some thoughts.Few years ago ,I struggled with suicidal thoughts.I know this is all so judged and inappropriate,sounds out of this world for some and infact most of the people in the society,but yeah it happened to me.I was and still am a happy and bubbly person but mostly the smile was plastic and the jokes a cover up of the well buffed demons on the inside.Some nights were sleepless and some days really dark.

One would probably like to know why I would get to such extents with my thoughts but honestly, suicidal thoughts sometimes don’t have a particular source.They could be a reflection of someone’s life,who they mistakenly think they are, such as;not important, inefficient,not strong and alot more.This could also be a result of trauma,or just mental instability.There are many reasons and each person has their different story.All these sometimes attract incogent discussions among people but oh well,the best thing to do is dealing with the situation first, then argument later, judgement never.

Please allow me not to spell my reason(s) here because I overcame.After all,one step at a time,I made it to confess that I once had this stream of thoughts, something that often brings in shame,guilt and uncertainty.My journey to overcome this,should be written on a different piece and Imma do that.For now,let’s make a toast.That’s my far.Please help me celebrate.

Don’t forget to celebrate you too.

To life!

Multi layered

The human body is just one of the most fascinating things in the universe. This is neither information from the records of an organization, nor a piece of the world’s Guinness book of records, but somehow, I think it should be.

In just one body, there are billions of parts, with different functions, all affected by different things. One perplexing thing is that all these parts need one liquid to function-the the blood. This cannot just be poured from head to toe, in and out of the intestines and propel the body’s function for let’s say a month. Aaah, it requires to be pumped. Oh my God, a whole pumping mechanism! Okay, I am not complaining since the very moment the pump stops, then the entire body with all those parts, an entire 11 systems, just fails, grows cold and makes people around wail, in confirmation of an end to life.😭😭

There is this mega part,that is so incredible. Guess which one?Naah, not the skin, come on…Okay, the latter is like one of the largest parts of the body, but I’m not talking about the size, a’aight?Oops, I feel like a science teacher in for the afternoon double lesson when the weather is so hot and the students are just from having some heavy lunch.You probably know the situation in detail.😹

The part is the buruwein (brain). It is just so much to be given a five-letter word but oh well, at least that gives us the chance to take a break from the much information we have to deal with.Thinking of the brain just blows my mind.😹

It does so much for the body.Controls so many functions and it’s little slip would cause a major downfall.Well, at this point I am actually confused where our emotions lie, is it in the heart or the brain?If it’s in either, why wouldn’t we say,” I love you with the whole of my mind?” Or “my brain feels heavy”, when someone is stressed out?

It’s hard,, actually impossible to know what goes through a person’s mind.What they think of and don’t say, the many plans they have and don’t share, the worries, fears, victories seen before an act, the visions,dreams and nightmares as well.We sit next to, walk beside and sleep close to people with a lot of thoughts.They might open up and talk for long but how would we know they are actually expressing everything?How would we tell their plans?How would we know their true perspective of us?

It’s just so hard to read the human mind.Some have that gift but I’m sure, it’s not always at 100 percent.The human mind carries alot.One would be all smiles and laughs but at the back of this part(the mind) there is just too much argony.They also would show so much sorrow in a certain situation but deep down, they are relieved.But what do we do?

Sometimes things blow up inside and start showing on the face.For example, too much joy that is too hard to hide, or too much pain that causes some tears to trickle down effortlessly. Most likely, if we only dug deep and got to the nitty-gritty of the situation, then we would find so much we cannot handle.I would liken it to a fruit with too many layers to peel off before getting to the real thing.We would probably get tired.If you have tried to get someone who is so devastated to calm down, then probably you know how hard it is.They might not tell you everything,but how will you know?

We are humans, the most powerful creatures on the planet.With the human mind being the source of a lot of things.It requires too much effort to peel off the layers but that’s what makes us what we are-POWERFUL!

Pressure

Pressure, pressure, pressure ya nini..?Sorry, I just had a real throwback. These are words from a once hit song, back then.wow.Isn’t it just amazing how things really change? That, this season, Toosie slide hits and everywhere you go, you just have to hear someone’ dance like Michael Jackson’, and in the next season, you just have to hear ‘Mapema very fast mapema….’By the way am open to criticism on the topic-music.

Oh well, there are several things that make our hearts race almost every day. Stuff that makes our hearts skip some beats. Education, career, finances, love life, body goals, now corona, the length of our hair, it’s texture, color, the beard. I just realized I could not in any way say ‘our beards’😹.Anyway, the list continues, time, the dreams we have, the vision we carry. Help me name them.

We budget, hold a series of meetings, seek counsel from all the gurus we know, spend hours with the genius google, trying to figure it all out, attend conferences, many different schools, and other learning institutions, read volumes of books, spend some time in isolation, accumulate some depression and as a result try to let it out. There are many other different things we do that I have missed mentioning, sorry for that.

All this, is in a bid to become better and to all extents, the best. We wanna go beyond what limits us. we want to see the dreams come true and have days of satisfaction and joy. Days of goodness, where we don’t have loads of worries and are at zero regrets.

We want to surpass some lines. We have goals to be getting to work early consistently, get the bus as early as possible, date the favorite human before they look away, and just ‘make it in life’ before time runs out. Sure enough, all this served in one person’s plate, is too much. I can’t really tell what type of dish this would be. It’s like having too much salt, too much sugar, too much lemon, strawberry, honey, masala, onions, tomato paste, spicing up just one plate of white rice. Ou làlà!

In short, life and all its demands give us too much pressure, regardless of our stages or status.

This could be just one side of life, what of the other side, the fun life? This could also bring in pressure in its own way. So when you flip the coin and it lands on this side of life-the fun side-please give your all. Forget about the pressure and generously apply that cream on the birthday girl. Give them a good cold water bath on that day, do it your way, provided you take that opportunity with all it brings.

Take some time, breathe😊.

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