Firstly, thank you for sticking around this long, enduring the suspense and almost getting tired at the previous part. Turning it over means a lot to me and clears something. Thank you, again.
This was the darkest hour of the beautiful angel. Never had she felt so frustrated before. She had to check her phone for the date, just in case it was first April because this didn’t just hurt, it ripped off some major parts of her.
She couldn’t cry. The pain she felt was way too much for this. There was such a heavy load on her chest that she could feel her breath bid goodbye. She could barely sit up. The lovely dress she was in felt like a series of chains of pain. Her make up felt like a cover of foolishness. Her hair felt like a crown of shame. She could classify herself as a curse at that moment.
The confidence in her dwindled as she felt like the Queen of failure, no glam anymore. She felt horrible. Poor thing! She was in absolute regret of voicing out her feelings, but most of all, in full regret of not having a Deja Vu. She had felt so much until she could not feel herself anymore. She got lost in being horrible. She struggled to breathe and at least feel alive. The battle was real.
This whole time, he just froze, staring at her, knowing what to do but not certain how to go about it. He looked at her but couldn’t maintain five seconds of it. He felt a certain fear that he could not explain. He tried to speak but this was not the wise thing to do at the moment. So he brought her a glass of warm water, got something to cover her and headed out.
This made it so clear to her that she was all wrong and alone. surprisingly, in her strength, she consoled herself and started to accept it. She was bound to trip for a long time after that, but she knew that she would get through it. As he walked out slowly, she slowly started to shift the ‘fool’ feeling to why she was crying and not to why she existed or expressed herself. By all means, she starting knowing, she got this!
Few minutes after closing the door and waiting outside for a while, he decided to go back in. He wasn’t sure of what to expect but this time he was sure what to do. So he confidently made his way in and started his rescue mission.
He made her sit up and take some deep breath. Of course, this was a struggle, that involved a few strong punches, some shouting and tears, but eventually, it worked. He held her hands and upon some calmness, he started explaining something.
“Hear me out, princess, as I said, I am married. It is true. This means my total commitment is somewhere else and I couldn’t drag you along the path of being less worthy of who you are. You are a gem and someone like me shouldn’t ruin that. So this is it, I am married to my way of life. To how I think, my dreadlocks, my personality, my many different hobbies, career, the taste of things, my brand, my charity work and my belief. I am so into this that over the years I have tried to accommodate another soul into my life but it’s been all in vain.”
The lady was more confused but somehow, relieved. She couldn’t explain it but there was some hope. However, she couldn’t understand why and how he lived like that for so long, with no space for anyone else. She felt no fool any more. Of course, she tried to probe and convince him otherwise but he was at a point of no return.No therapy, counselling, falling in love, friendship, had worked and sadly, she also could not. So eventually, with time, she embraced it, got her time to heal and life moved on.
How much is your self-love? To what extent does it go? Is accomodating other people a problem? It gets there. Where life without another person or people, is not as boring as you might think and you find yourself filling every gap there might be. That’s how his life was.
He talked to people, had friends, but no one was close enough to be a part of his life. They would hang out but that’s as far as it could get. You and I might consider it dangerous or a problem but to some, like him, it’s all cool. Enjoying oneself.
How much is your self-love? What takes up the space for people in your life? Would you be a married bachelor/spinster?